Five years from now, what could I possibly have already achieved by then?
Will I be able to be of help to everyone as I promised them now? Will I be able to reside in a place that’s thousands of miles away from my motherland as I hoped I would? Will I get to buy the things that I want and need from my own earnings? Will the people that I treasure the most today stay the same?
What new lessons will I be learning from life? What new sights and nature’s wonders will I be able to see? What new experiences will I be having?
What would my next “big step” be?
Will I be much much happier by then?
After I graduate, I want to live on my own for a short while.
I want to explore the real world and go on spontaneous adventures it has to offer. I want to meet new people, learn new things, enjoy new hobbies.. I want a fresh start. I want to leave behind (although not entirely) all these.
Maybe then I could finally know what I really want to do with my life, what I want to become and what would make me feel fulfilled.
But I can’t. I have my responsibilities.
Someday soon, though, I hope.
If you want to pour all your emotions—hurt, sadness, loneliness, frustrations or everything except happiness (because you rarely do so anyway)—to me, it’s okay. But all of you bombarding me with such negativity all at once is just too much to grab a hold of. I’m afraid you’re forgetting that I, too, am also dealing with my personal dilemmas.
So please, at times when I’m not able to answer your calls or messages right away, the least that you can do is understand and not sound as if I’ve completely ignored you.
I could use a few human minutes too.
I miss you.
We used to talk almost anything and everything under the sun. We used go to our school library together to borrow books (tons of them, I must say). We used to take tricycle rides on our way home, even if it cost you a fortune. We’ve done so much together.
When college came, we eventually stopped talking to each other. It was then that I noticed how different we actually are. Sometimes I want to drop random hey nothings to you but I’m afraid my awkwardness will cut our conversation short.
There’s just too much gap already.
And truth is, I still get sad by the very fact that we’ve grown so distant.