For a while, I’ve only been lurking here in Tumblr. I even thought of deactivating this account altogether and start anew with my other one.
Though to be fair, I did try making new posts here. But all of it only left dumped in my Drafts. I just can’t seem to construct sensible entries (not that my previous ones make a lot of sense anyway) when I’m using my phone. It just doesn’t feel right somehow. Maybe I should start using the laptop more often again. Let’s see.
“I just didn’t see it coming, you know?” he started.
To which she disagreed. “You did. I think both of us did.”
“Where..” he paused, not exactly sure what to say next or how to say it.. “Where exactly did I go wrong?”
She looked at him, smiled sadly and replied, “You always knew I’d be there, wherever, whenever. When we fight, may it be your fault or mine, I was always the first to approach and first to apologize. I considered myself satisfied with all the half-hearted efforts you did for me. I’ve always kept myself available for you even if it means having no more time left for myself.”
“I thought by showing you how important you are to me, you’d realize my worth and do the same. But instead of seeing me as something fragile, you saw me as something constant. And I.. I guess I just grew tired of waiting, of being put on hold until further notice.”
As she was to leave, she let herself have a last glance of him. “..It’s my fault too. I settled for less than what I deserve,” she said, merely above a whisper.
He sat frozen in his place trying to think of all the things he could’ve done otherwise.
But he knew it’s all too late.
Five years from now, what could I possibly have already achieved by then?
Will I be able to be of help to everyone as I promised them now? Will I be able to reside in a place that’s thousands of miles away from my motherland as I hoped I would? Will I get to buy the things that I want and need from my own earnings? Will the people that I treasure the most today stay the same?
What new lessons will I be learning from life? What new sights and nature’s wonders will I be able to see? What new experiences will I be having?
What would my next “big step” be?
Will I be much much happier by then?